Stupidest Person Ever
by Meimirigu
Summary: Tei loves Len. She's obsessed with him. But, Len is terrible, and doesn't love her back. Will Ritsu be able to change Tei's outlook on love? A belated present for Akita Daichu.


**Stupidest Person Ever**

A silver haired girl ran her thumb erratically down the side of her butcher knife. She exhaled unsteadily, and white vapor froze in the air in front of her.

Clenching her jaw, frustrated, she flung the weapon to the side, into a snowbank. She fell to the sidewalk. She curled herself into the fetal position on the cold, hard ground, with her hair fanning out around her. Tears began to well up around her eyes. She just wanted the darkness of this winter night to consume her, to eat her, to take her someplace better. She bit her cheek until it began to bleed. But, that small pain in her mouth was nothing to what was in her heart. Trembling with rage, unhappiness, and utter desire, she reached her hands up to her head and tugged coarsely at her hair, punishing herself. She moaned desperately, wishing there was some way she could transform herself into the kind of woman he wanted. She opened her mouth to scream, but let out only a withered groan.

_Why?_

_Why doesn't he love me?_

_I love him. So, so much. Why? Why? Why? WHY?_

"DAMMIT!"

She slammed her fists on the ground. She turned her head to the bittersweet city skyline and sobbed loudly, cursing herself and cursing the one she loved, who could never return her affection.

"Mrrfffh, wh-why, Len," Her despair was nearly making her nauseous now. She hated herself more than ever. All she could ask was why and how.

"Tei."

She gulped a breath of cold air as she perceived footsteps behind her. She turned to see a boy with red hair frowning at her below the light of a streetlamp.

"Ri-tsu…" She said his name slowly, emphasizing with a pause between syllables.

"Do you know how much of an idiot you are? It's freezing out here. Go home." He haphazardly shoved his hands in his coat pockets as he scowled at her. Turning his head to the side, he snorted. "Don't be so pathetic."

She crouched there for a few moments, her tears practically freezing onto her face. Her lip quivered.

"I was evicted from my apartment. I don't have a home."

He turned to her, frustrated. He stomped his foot. Ritsu's jaw dropped and he made a disbelieving face at her. "Seriously? Tei, what the hell, how did that even happen? "

"I quit my job so I could have more time to stalk, I mean, follow him," Tei stated bluntly. "I have no money."

"Idiot!" He sneered at her, disapprovingly. He ran his fingers through his smooth, thigh length hair, and took a deep breath.

"Wh-what are you doing here, anyways?" Tei sniffed as she drew herself onto her knees.

"Taking a walk. To clear my head. But of course, needy people like you end up making my brain more chaotic than to begin with."

Tei snuffled, and apologized quickly.

"Psht, whatever. Just don't freeze out here. It'd be a real downer for those people who come to the park in the morning with their kids, you know, to see a dead, frozen body in the middle of the sidewalk…"

He began to walk away.

Tei didn't say a word.

But just as he stepped out of the glare of the streetlight and into the obscurity of the night, he hesitated, and turned back to her.

"You are such an idiot. The stupidest person ever. A moron. You make terrible decisions. But, even so, come with me. I'd rather let you sleep at my house than have to speak at your funeral."

Staring blankly, Tei pushed off of the ground and hoisted herself up, teetering dangerously. She stumbled forward, and tripped, falling knees first to the ground.

"What's wrong with you, are you drunk or something?"

Tei nodded slowly. "A little."

Sighing, Ritsu sashayed over to her and held out his hand. "Let's go."

**X**

The red haired boy turned the key and unlocked his apartment door. He opened it wide and motioned for Tei to enter.

She walked in cautiously. Ritsu's coat was draped over her shoulders, as she had begun to shiver uncontrollably as they walked back to his apartment. She regretted not wearing her own coat out, because now Ritsu was the one who trembled from the cold as he stood by the doorway.

"I don't have much food to eat, because I wasn't expecting a visitor, but there's some instant ramen in the cabinet if you're hungry."

Tei nodded.

"You should probably take a hot shower or something; you got really cold out there."

She nodded again.

"Don't be so quiet."

"Sorry."

Ritsu's apartment was reasonably larger than Tei's. To the right of the front door was a kitchen area, complete with a fridge, sink, stove, cabinets that probably held instant ramen, and other assorted appliances. It was unexpectedly tidy, and no dishes were left out. A living area was to the front of the doorway, with a matching couch and a large, comfortable looking chair that Tei would have liked to relax in. A television sat in the corner on a square, sturdy looking table. Large glass sliding doors that lead to a balcony were on the far wall. There were two doorways to the left, one that was open and lead to a bathroom and another that probably led to Ritsu's bedroom.

Ritsu moved in front of Tei, and opened the door that, proving Tei's assumptions, led to his bedroom. He came back a split second later with two towels.

"I'm serious, go take a shower. You're really pale," He touched her arm. "And you're freezing."

She obliged by taking the towels and handing him his coat.

"I've got clothes you can wear, too. Go bathe, I'll have them for you when you come out."

"Thank you." She gave him a look of appreciation.

"Don't mention it. We're friends, even though you make bad decisions. We're supposed to help each other out."

She smiled gratefully. He smiled back.

With a nod, she happily moved into the bathroom and closed the door. She shed her clothes and turned on the hot water. Her shower was quick, but lovely, as Ritsu had quite a few different shampoos, conditioners, and body washes in his shower. At least a dozen bottles were in there, all filled with colorful soaps and cleansers. Why did one boy need so many products, anyways? Maybe this was how he kept his hair so soft.

She lightly stepped out of the shower and wrapped one of the towels around her wet body. The steam in the bathroom made her feel a bit light headed. Or maybe this was just an aftereffect of the alcohol she consumed before. Either way, it was a nice, light, and fluffy feeling. She was warm.

She threw the second towel over her head, ruffling her hair in it, letting it dry her. It reminded her of something she once heard, that a towel got wetter as it dried. She giggled at the thought of such a silly but true proposition, and opened the door of the bathroom. She hesitantly stepped out. Goosebumps rose on her smooth skin as her body adjusted to the cooler temperatures of Ritsu's apartment.

"Ah," Ritsu, who was sitting on the couch, looked up from the TV to see Tei wrapped in a towel. He held out a pile of clothes to her, silently.

She accepted them. "Thank you."

"Stop thanking me, I've barely done anything for you."

She nodded and returned to the bathroom to put on the clothes. Ritsu had given her soft sweat pants and a purple tank top. After she put them on, she realized that they fit her well, and that meant that they probably didn't fit Ritsu, because she was a good six inches or so taller than him.

After hanging up one of the wet towels (she kept the other one to continue drying her hair), she returned to the living area where Ritsu was busy watching some obscure late night anime. He didn't look away from the television as Tei sat down in the large chair.

She stared ahead for a moment, before sneaking a glance at Ritsu. He was sitting with his head propped up on his hand. He wore a particularly bored and sour expression, but it was just his nature to look like that.

He blinked and looked over to scan Tei with his light green eyes. "You should brush and dry your hair so it doesn't get all knotty."

"I don't have a brush."

"There's one in the bathroom, on the sink."

She remembered seeing it, and headed back to the bathroom to retrieve the brush.

When she returned, Ritsu motioned for her to sit next to him on the couch. She agreed soundlessly.

He took the towel, squeezing and rubbing Tei's hair through it, pushing out all the water he could. He accepted the hairbrush from her, and signaled again with his hand, telling her to turn so her back faced him.

They sat in near silence, with only the noise of the television, as Ritsu ran the hairbrush through Tei's silvery hair. It was calming. Both of them breathed slowly.

"Hey, Tei,"

"Yes, Ritsu?"

"Why do you love Len so much?"

Neither of them spoke for a moment. Ritsu then began to say something just as Tei started to reply with an answer. They both shut up and let the awkwardness rest over them. Then, Tei started to respond again.

"He's really handsome, and actually a very nice guy, I think."

Ritsu grimaced behind Tei's back. "He's not a nice guy, Tei."

"And how would _you _know that?"

"He's an idol," Ritsu stated flatly, "The magazines are always saying there's a new girl he's dating, or some new scandal he caused. He's not a good person."

"Those are gossip magazines, Ritsu. They aren't true."

"All rumors and lies are based on a piece of true information."

"That itself is a lie."

"Maybe you're right."

He ran the brush through her damp hair a final time, and frowned as he pulled away from her. "Tei, you have to listen to me."

She huffed and shrugged her shoulders. "No, I don't."

"Well you should. Anyone who rejects you as nastily as Len did doesn't deserve you."

Tei was silent. There as a fight scene on the television. The main character in the show was getting totally beaten up by a monster clad in a raincoat. Ritsu and Tei sat there for a moment, simply watching the nonsensical anime.

The show stopped and a commercial played, for some new Pokémon video game. Ritsu furrowed his brow. "Tei. Tomorrow, let me take you out."

"Like, a date?" She turned her head around to glance at him.

"No, it'd be just a fun outing to show you that there are nicer guys in the world than Len."

Tei looked away from him.

He bit the inside of his cheek.

"Please?" Ritsu pleaded, determined to show his friend that Len was really a bastardly egotistical ass.

"Okay, but don't buy me anything, I'm spending the night here, I owe you for that."

Ritsu chuckled, relieved, and stood.

"I'll go get ready for bed."

He headed to his bedroom. Tei sat for several moments, with the TV chattering excitedly in the background.

Ritsu came back a few minutes later, in a t-shirt and shorts. Tei looked to his chest, to find that it was completely flat.

"You…your chest…" She stuttered.

"Problem?" He questioned her, hands on his hips.

"No." She closed her mouth.

They sat for quite a while longer, watching TV, just relaxing. They let the stresses of the day wash away. Ritsu made them both ramen and they ate it contently. It was enjoyable, and reassuring. In the end, Ritsu slept in his bed while Tei took the couch. Even though they didn't talk much that night, both Tei and Ritsu secretly felt anxious for their outing the following day.

Of course, if they knew what was going to happen, they would have felt even more nervous.

**X**

Ritsu decided to take Tei shopping.

They went down to the local shopping district, where cute and colorful stores lined the streets. Tei walked ahead of him, with rigid, straightforward steps. She was uncomfortable, being so clearly out in public. She was used to hiding, jumping into shadows, and basically staying invisible. Being out in the open, with someone as eye-catching as Ritsu, to add, was far out of Tei's comfort zone.

"Tei, go into a shop or something, we can't just spend the day walking up and down the street." Ritsu kept his usual cool, spitting out a slick comment. But, dissimilar to his nonchalant appearance, he was nervous to the point where his palms had started to sweat in his coat pockets. He needed to make Tei realize her mistakes. And he needed to do it before the end of the day.

Tei didn't respond with words, but hesitated, and stiffly turned her head around to look at the shops. She spotted one of interest, and marched over to it like a soldier. Ritsu, sighing, followed her. His hair swayed to his steps as he moved, like a metronome.

The shop Tei had picked was filled to the brim with girlish trinkets and lace. Actually, Ritsu was more excited by the mass of pink adorableness than Tei was. Despite his excitement, he maintained his levelheaded attitude.

Ritsu followed Tei like a dog that's faithful to his owner. They visited three more small shops, and Ritsu ended up buying Tei a keychain of a certain red-capped boy in a striped shirt. He insisted to buy her something else, but she refused, promising that it was all she wanted.

"Well, let's at least go out to eat at a café or something." Ritsu persisted.

Tei played with a lock of her hair. "Well, alright, I guess."

The odd couple had gotten used to being together. They walked side by side, not caring if anyone stared. Although, it was understandable that people would gape at them. It's not every day you would see a silver-haired girl and a trap holding hands as they walked down the shopping district's streets.

"Ah, I like that restaurant, they make good crepes." Tei stopped and pointed to a small but busy sandwich shop.

Ritsu agreed.

They ordered food.

They got their food.

They started to eat, contently.

And that was when time slowed down.

Tei tensed while in mid-bite of her sandwich. Her eyes widened, her back stiffened, her feet sat flat on the ground.

Ritsu took notice, and eyed her questioningly. "Somethin' wrong?"

"H-him."

Ritsu followed her gaggling gaze to the people at a table a few yards away from them.

There, as blunt as could be, was Len Kagamine, with one of his many girlfriends.

Ritsu nearly did a spit take. This was the worst possible situation! Code red! He tensed as well, placing his hands down on the table, shifting so he blocked Tei's view of the blond manwhore.

But Tei, being stubborn and nonsensical near the ones she loved, went to stand. Ritsu kicked her leg under the table and she sat down.

"DON'T get up to see him." He whispered in a hushed but urgent tone, hissing like a snake.

Tei's reaction was expected. She pulled her lips back at sneered at him with angry eyes. Ignoring his plea, she pushed back her chair and stood. She sashayed over to Len's table.

Len instantly noticed her presence, and looked away from his girlfriend to give her an obnoxious look of disbelief.

"You again? My god, I told you before, I'm not interested. I'm getting a restraining order against you. I already told you, I don't date girls who are fat. Especially not the ones who are fat and _ugly, _too. Get away from me, stalker girl."

You could almost hear the sound of Tei's heart cracking in two.

And then, Ritsu got up.

He stepped over to Len's table.

And he punched the blond asshole, right in his pretty-boy face.

Len went flying away from his chair, onto the floor. People started to chatter, and someone yelled some derogatory term for a crossdresser. Ritsu grabbed Tei's hand, and pulled her away, out onto the street outside of the café. She went easily, shocked at Ritsu's brave actions.

Once out of the crowded restaurant, Ritsu turned to the yandere.

"Tei. You, you're a moron. You're an idiot. The stupidest person ever!" He shook his head and looked the ground, clenching his jaw to keep his tears inside. "And you make stupid decisions! But, Tei. Despite all of these qualities you have, despite your obsessive nature and your awkward attitude, Tei," He wiped his eyes as he looked up to her. Tears streamed down his flushed face as he cried.

"Tei, I love you!"

And in the midst of a crowd, in the busy city street, on a chilly winter day, Tei put her hand on Ritsu's jaw. She pulled his face close to hers. And, in one of the most awkward and bad situations either of them had ever been in, they kissed. And for the first time in a long while, Tei was in love. For real. And the person she loved? He loved her back. It was bliss.

As Tei pulled her face away from Ritsu's, she smiled.

"Ritsu, I love you too."

That day, in the city, with the sound of police sirens in the distance, Tei grabbed Ritsu's hand. And together, they knew both of their lives were more perfect than they could have ever imagined.

* * *

><p><em>Akita Daichu, you know, originally, I had planned to write something different down here. <em>_But today, I got a review reply from you. When I clicked a link to your profile, and when I scrolled around on it, even though I've read it before…I noticed something._

_Reading your messages. Your reviews. Your stories. And even your profile. __Just reading them makes me grin so much, I can't stop._

_So, what I'm trying to say here, is that you make me smile, Daichu. So, as mushy and sentimental as I'm being, I need to thank you for that. Seriously, without you, I probably would have abandoned my fanfiction account by now. And then who knows where I'd be?_

_I look forward to more good times with you._

_And also, there are about three references in this story. One on the television, that I figure you won't get, and another obvious one that I put there just for you. I'm sure you noticed it. And then there's the tiny Pokémon one, in the commercial, lolol._

_I dunno why I'm so proud of this story. It's not anything special. And it's not even really _that _long or anything. And the pacing of this story is so awkward. I don't even. I guess I'm just proud that I actually finished something._

_Okay, this is another uselessly long author's note. Eh, so, I love you. And you're amazing. And that pretty much sums it up. So, since I love you so much, just do one thing for me, would you?_

_Just keep on being wonderful._

_(And to those of you who are not Daichu, you need to stay wonderful too.)_

_~Meimei_


End file.
